Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria213
You never lose by giving love, because offering it with sincerity, passion, and delicate affection dignifies you as a person. On the other hand, those who don’t know how to accept or take care of this immense gift are those who truly lose out. For this reason, you should never regret having loved and lost, because the worst thing is not knowing how to love.
Fortunately, neuroscience offers new and revealing information every day that explains why you act as you do concerning this thing called love. The first thing to remember is that your human brain isn’t prepared for loss. Hence, it overtakes you, immobilizes you, and traps you in suffering.
“Love has no cure, but it is the only medicine for all ills”
You’re genetically programmed to connect with others and build emotional ties. These make you feel safe and help you build your life. In fact, this is how we’ve survived as a species, by connecting with others. Therefore, a loss, a separation, or even a simple misunderstanding can instantly trigger an alarm signal in your brain.
Another complex aspect concerning emotional relationships is the way in which you face these separations and losses. From a neurological point of view, stress hormones are instantly released, forming, in many cases, what we know as ‘the broken heart’. However, from an emotional and psychological point of view, you may experience another kind of reality.
In fact, you don’t only experience the pain related to losing your loved one. You also feel a loss of energy, of vital breath. It’s as if all the love you gave, all the hopes and affection you dedicated to that person are gone as well, leaving you feeling empty, barren, and withered.
How can you ever love again if the only things left inside you are bad memories? Well, as a matter of fact, you need to face these moments in a different way. Let’s take a closer look.
Continue giving love or avoid loving again?
You’re comprised of a delicate and chaotic compendium of past stories, lived emotions, buried bitterness, and camouflaged fears. When you start a new relationship, you don’t put all your previous experiences in the recycling bin. You don’t start from zero. Everything’s still there, and the way in which you’ve managed your past will dictate whether you live your emotional present with greater maturity and fullness.
“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. “
-Alfred Lord Tennyson-
A bitter betrayal or the simple fact that your partner’s love for you has died greatly changes the way you see things. In fact, giving love so intensely at one point, only to later find yourself feeling empty and trapped by your memories and lost dreams can completely alter the make-up of your personality.
For example, you might become distrustful. Alternatively, you might adopt the isolating attitude of thinking that, to avoid suffering, it’s better not to love at all. However, these are slow processes of self-destruction.
You must never regret having loved, of risking all or nothing for that one person. It’s these acts that dignify you, that make you a wonderful human being. Living is loving and giving love gives meaning to your life through all the things you do: your work, your hobbies, and your personal and emotional relationships.
If you renounce love or regret having loved, you also renounce the most beautiful part of yourself.
Healing lost love
Binghamton University (USA) and University College, London (UK) conducted a study that stated there are certain differences between men and women when it comes to coping with emotional breakdowns. In fact, their emotional responses are very different. For example, women feel the impact of separation much more. However, they tend to recover earlier than men.
On the other hand, men usually appear, on the surface, to be okay. They give the impression of being strong and tend to take refuge in their occupations and responsibilities. Nevertheless, they don’t always manage to overcome the break-up. Furthermore, they may take years to do so. The reason for this is that women usually possess better skills in managing their emotional world. In fact, they gain relief because they seek help and they face what happened from a forgiving perspective. This makes moving on easier.
However, regardless of gender, or the reason that caused the break-up, there’s one thing that should be taken into account. It’s the fact that no emotional failure should ever prevent you from being happy again. Therefore, you must say no to being a slave to the past and a prisoner of eternal suffering.
Another aspect that you should remember is that loving isn’t synonymous with suffering. For this reason, you shouldn’t ever keep a relationship going that’s well past its sell-by-date. Removing yourself will save unnecessary heartbreak and your brave goodbye will close one door and another will open, the one where love will be conjugated with the word happiness.